Growing up, I didn’t identify as an athlete. I saw athletes as competitive, tough and strong whereas I perceived myself as weak, self-conscious and insecure. In 2018, I found weightlifting as a way to bond with my younger brother. After he unexpectedly died in 2019, I found myself at the gym, every day, counting the reps as a way of hanging on to something that kept me close to him. It was then that I fell in love with weightlifting as a sanctuary. When I’d lift weights, it was only up to me. Even on days when I felt completely powerless, I’d show up to the gym, tell myself I was going to do 4 sets of 8, and I did them. No one could take that away from me. I said I was going to do something and I did it. I kept a promise to myself. 

That sense of empowerment began to push into other areas of my life as I began to acknowledge my power in situations at work, with family, or at home with my kids. I was no longer hanging onto controlling others’ behavior as a way to feel empowered. Now that I knew controlling myself was the only possibility, I found joy as I leaned into choosing my behaviors and reactions, always striving to bring them in line with my values. 

I realized that, more than the aesthetic changes, I valued the feeling of getting stronger. Finally, I cared more about the number of plates on the barbell than the number of pounds on the scale. I started to feel more capable in the world and less dependent. I felt empowered in my body, not for how it looked, but for what it could do. And I wanted to master the art of self-control, not to deny myself but to see how much power I had in life to both choose values and then live by them. 

In other areas of my life, I didn’t always feel strong, capable, authentic, or proud. But when I lifted weights, I saw a version of myself that I never knew: competitive, tough, capable. As Valerie Kaur says, “It was a part of me I did not yet know.” Lifting weights introduced me to those parts myself, the same parts that exist in you. I’d love to be a part of your journey as you find out who you really are.